Keeping Secrets and How To Be a 2nd Time Momma

Last time we had IVF, we involved everyone we love. It was new territory, we were nervous and we needed financial assistance and moral support. When we learned that it was a possibility that we could conceive again, I was really excited to potentially be able to surprise people with the fact that I was pregnant this time.  We decided not to tell.

Now, if you read my other blog you know I have a hard time keeping things to myself, so I decided that I could tell a few friends who live here on the East Coast, and my best friend who lives in China right now. Our families will still be totally surprised if it happens, and I just can't wait for that moment! It seems silly, but it will be like a dream come true. I also broke down and told my baby brother because he is having a hard time in life right now, and I wanted to give him something to think about (aka, a new niece or nephew) that would cheer him up and give him some hope. He is, however, sworn to secrecy. :)

I always wanted more than a couple kids, so when this trial became the one that I would face, I was forced to mentally and emotionally tear down that hope and content myself with simply being able to experience pregnancy and birth and motherhood, even once. It has been the most joyful opportunity of my life. The chance to bear and birth and raise a tiny person is indescribable and unparalleled in the human journey.

But now that I have demolished my earlier dream of lots of littles, I find myself a bit too content. The sweet, slow days with my toddler, reading books and taking walks and exploring and loving, one-on-one. They'll be gone when a new tiny enters our lives. The time I have with him is so, so brief. How can I give it away? How do second-time mommas cope with taking half their heart back from this baby who has so completely overtaken their lives, and give it to another little baby?

"Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yea, they may forget, yet I will not forget thee." -Isaiah 49:15

My only answer is that God has asked me to do this. I might not love the timing- we were planning on waiting until at least the fall when E turned 2 -but it is His timing.

"I can do all things through Christ, which strengtheneth me" -Phillippians 4:13